WHERES MANS COMMON SENSE?

I READ THIS SOME WHERE
I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE CUTE FOR
  FATHERS DAY

I HOPE EVERY MAN HAS A GREAT DAY!




ONLY A MAN WOULD


ATTEMPT THIS





Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.



A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary

submitted this:



Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my

interest.

The occasion was our 15th

anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie.

What I came across was a

100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized taser.

The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no

long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to

retreat to safety....??



WAY TOO COOL!!



Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.



I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.



Nothing! I was disappointed.

I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it

against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.



AWESOME!!!



Unfortunately, I

have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her

microwave.



Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it

couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There

I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting

little soul)

while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to

try

this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.



I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and

thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.

But, if I was going to give this

thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance

that it would work as advertised.



Am I wrong? So,

there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately

on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.



The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your

assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major

loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your

assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the

batteries.



All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"

long, less

than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two

itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What

happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...



I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head

cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it you big dummy,' reasoning that a one

second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad, I decided to give

myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . .

GOOD HEAVENS!!... ...



WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . .



WHAT THE HECK!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door,

picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and

over and over again.

I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with

tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to

be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling

in my legs. The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before,

clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an

attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.



Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of

caution: there is no such thing as a "one second burst" when you zap yourself!

You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a

violent thrashing about on the floor.. A "three second burst" would be considered

conservative? IT HURT LIKE HECK!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as

time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I

had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.



The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where

it originally was.

My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.



My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my

bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.



Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense

of smell was gone.

I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.



I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a

significant reward for their safe return!!

P.S.



My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! 'If you think

Education is difficult, try being Stupid.